Everyone has those temporary jobs at some point in their life. Usually it’s when you’re very young and are desperate for any kind of income. These are the jobs that you know will someday be brought up again and again in conversation. Ones that make you laugh out loud. I had several of these jobs throughout my life. I landed one such job after I has just turned 19 years old.
My friend Marc had worked in this position for Montgomery Wards and if I remember correctly, had taken a different job. The janitor job required being at the Northwoods mall at 2:15 and ready to begin sweeping both floors at Wards by 2:30. That’s 2:30 in the morning!!!!
Marc referred me to the shift supervisor and I was hired. It was a temporary job to supplement income in between semesters while at ICC.
The problem with just coming of drinking age (19) and working the the early shift was trying to do....BOTH. Most nights I’d go to bed by 9:00 and get up at 2:00 then sweep both the upstairs and downstairs floors in the store. The mannequins in the women’s department were very eerie at that time of night. Sometimes I wished they would come to life.
After both floors were swept, it was time to break out the mop. Mopping had to be started by about 4:30 in order to get everything done on time. At approximately 8:00 we would all have breakfast in the restaurant on the lower level. Myself , two other employees and our shift leader Irene.
Irene was a no nonsense salty old dog who had one good eye. The other was glazed over and frankly didn’t work. I called her Dead Irene because of her dead 👁 eye.
Dead Irene had a hillbilly twang to her voice and never pronounced my name correctly .
She never called me Darren. It was more like , “Darrrrrn “. Usually it was in an unpleasant tone of disapproval. “Darrrrn, are you about done up there?
One night, several of us had been out to the Poison Apple and had ingested a few magic beans and gallons of beers. Those were the nights of quarter beer, free beer and other such cheap specials. It didn’t cost much to get hammered.
By 1:00 am, I should have been home three hours ago. Instead, I remember walking to my car thinking it might be best to just go to work.
I can’t remember what I did right before 2:30 but once there, I dug in....hoping to put the next several hours behind me then sleep forever.
All was well for the first couple hours but by 4:00, I was hallucinating from lack of sleep and magic beans. I was almost in automatic pilot mode when I tried to mop underneath a flower display that held roughly 20 plants. They were all in brown clay pots and as I pulled my mop out from in between the displays legs, my mop head took out one of the legs.
I watched in horror as 20 flower pots were jerked from their display and fell in slow motion to the neatly mopped floor in a series of loud and menacing pops!!!!! Pop!!!! Pop, pop!!!! Pop, pop, pop, pop, Pop!!!!!!! The plants and flowers seem to dance as each pot bursts open and rich dirt spilled out on the cool tile.
I closed my eyes and waited for her voice to begin shouting from down stairs. Darrrn????
Darrrn? What the hell was that?
I hung my head in shame as Dead Irene came upstairs surveyed the damage with her one good eye.
I’m sure the lack of depth perception made it seem worse that what it was. Either way, the magic beans were making it difficult to explain what had happened.
I cleaned my mess and decided to skip breakfast that day. Instead, I found myself heading for the forgiving confines of the Orange Room and 12 hours of sleep.
This was to be my last encounter as a janitor although I fondly reminisce about my time with Dead Irene and the dancing flower pots every time I walk the aisles of that particular store.
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