When a marriage is failing and heading for a divorce, It just doesn't happen all at once. There are months and sometimes years of emptiness and growing misery. I spent my younger years in the ORANGE ROOM, and I often thought about getting married someday but as it turned out.... my first marriage was not to be. I was her third husband and looking back, I really wasn't ready for marriage. Note to self: Never marry a woman you meet on a dance floor watching your band sucking her finger!!!!
Today's Tale from the ORANGE ROOM began on a Friday night sometime in the Summer of 1989. I had been looking to get out of retail and was working on my Health and Insurance license and embarking on a career at Prudential Insurance which lasted about 6 year. I was growing, but so was the divide between my wife and myself. After a gig, many of us stayed up very late knowing that the next morning we were to meet my Dad at his house and begin ripping out concrete to prepare for a new driveway. It was hot and we all were severely hung over.
I was the oldest that day.... approaching 30 or having just turned 30. My brothers and his friends were all 3-7 years younger but we all could still bounce back quickly in those days. After 8 hours or more, we finished our job and now it was time for a shower and some recreational suds. I don't even recall my wife being home when I pulled in around 5:00. She may have been on one of her trips to her parents. We weren't getting along and we rarely spent time together. I had agreed to meet my brother and his buddy later to take his boat on the river and perhaps dock it somewhere later and party!
I remember stopping to get a thermos and filling it with ice and a bottle of vodka, there was just enough room left for a few splashes of OJ.
An hour later, we met at Jim Dandy's in Bartonville and took the boat to the slip and all climbed aboard. We'd worked out in the sun all day and we're ready to have a few drinks. I drank out of the VODKA FILLED thermos with very little OJ and everything was getting rosy. The sun was setting and the weather was perfect for a boat ride. I kept taking long hits on the VODKA THERMOS OF DEATH and before long....IT WAS EMPTY!!!! How could that be??? Did I consume a FIFTH OF VODKA in an hour? Certainly someone else was drinking from my personal NUCLEAR THERMOS.
After realizing that I'd drank my entire thermos, I was feeling pretty good!!! In fact, I felt the need to DRIVE THE BOAT!!! My brother's friend agreed and I took the helm. I was this vessels captain and I'd take us to our destination!!!! After a HALF A DOZED wide circles in the Illinois River, it was decided that I should relinquish my captain duties since we were getting nowhere fast!!! I sat back down and before long we were docking the boat at a bar on the river. I seriously cannot remember the name of the bar since I was at least three sheets to the wind. It may have been the Captain's club in Chillicothe, but what we didn't know was, inside, there was a VERY large bachelorette party in progress!!!!
To get to land, one needed to first climb out of the boat and THEN, walk gently across the 30 foot floating dock. I successfully made it out of the boat...so far so good.... but then, I met my first challenge of the evening...The floating dock!!!! Now I need to explain this dock to you....This dock was dangerous for a BOY SCOUT to cross!!! Your body weight needed to be equally distributed between your left foot and your right foot so as not to upset nature's rule of equilibrium.....a state in which opposing forces or influences must remain in balance!!!! Now, I was wearing a pair of white Levis and my favorite BLACK SUEDE boots so I COULD NOT FALL INTO THE ILLINOIS RIVER and risk the chance of ruining my boots!!!!
After the first two voyagers made their way across the BRIDGE OF PERIL, it was my turn!
If you've ever seen a cat trying to hold on with its claws for dear life...trying not to fall....hoping to land on it's feet....that was me!!!!! I started out walking across like a human being, but with in seconds, I was on all fours...trying not to get my white jeans dirty but mostly trying to keep my body weight even across the dock as to not tip it over and totally submerge into the Illinois. I'd semi crawl a few feet... then the dock would rotate/swing left and right several degrees as I'd hold on with my hands to either side. WHOA!!!! SHIT!!!! A few more feet...then a half rotation and my body would be clutching the dock with my body parallel with the water, then back up!!!! This went on for 15 minutes until I finally made it to land and kissed the ground. Whew!!!! That was close. we continued up the steep hill and found ourselves finally entering the bar.
As luck would have it, the bachelorette party had noticed my circus routine on the dock 10 minutes ago. The entire party was at the big glass window watching and cheering me on!!!!! As I entered the room, WOMEN CHEERED AND CLAPPED….. CONGRATULATING ME ON MY RECENT DOCK DANCE!!!! They had been watching and laughing the whole time. OMG!!!! I was enjoying the attention but I'm afraid it was at my expense. Had I not been so out of it, I could have used the opportunity to my advantage but truth was...I was drunk....I was unhappy inside...my marriage was failing. At the time there was no children, but the marriage was a failure...so I must be a failure!!!!
I just wanted to go home.
After a while, we made our way home in the boat and I stayed inside until we were on the boat trailer and pulled up onto the ramp. This is where I'm confident there is a God and it was not my time to die. I stood up in the back of the boat and tried to climb down. With the boat on the trailer and me standing up, my head was probably a good 12 to 14 feet above the concrete. All I can remember is hitting the concrete hard flat on my back. I was certain I was paralyzed. I apparently did a 360 degree dive off the boat and on to the concrete.
I heard my brother's friend yell to my brother, " Peach, I think your brother is dead".
I just laid there for about 30 seconds and then noticed that I could move my legs...then my arms....I jumped up in one adrenaline fulled motion onto my suede booted feet and exclaimed loudly, " I'm Alive!!!" No one could believe that I had cheated death!!!! I thank God that I was OK. The next day, I don't even remember hurting much. I was so pickled on vodka I guess that my body was much like a rag doll and nothing was broken or injured.
My wife and I separated a few months later only to reunite again… at least for a few more years.
There were to be two good things to come out of those next years. Two children.
But that's another tale from The ORANGE ROOM.
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