I was 18 and still living at my parents house in my ORANGE ROOM. The past summer was full of joy and extreme pain. I had graduated high school and about to begin ICC but my girl friend of 4 years had married and moved away. It was so sudden and a complete surprise to me. A girlfriend of hers called me while my family and I were eating supper. I left the table and cried like a baby on our front porch. Then, I moved into the ORANGE ROOM and cried for the next two days. I was physically sick and had no energy. I didn't want to leave my room and didn't for weeks.
A few of my friends tried to get me out of my funk and took me to a few parties and such. Nothing was helping. they were very understanding and often just let me to sit by myself and be down. One night found us at a girls apartment which was rare in those days at our age, but what was was really rare was this girl was a Beatles fan and had the very first BOOTLEG record I'd ever seen. She thought it would cheer me up and let me borrow it. Unfortunately for her, I never saw her again and didn't have the chance to return it or thank her. Thank you whoever you were!!!!
Many months of depression past when I met a girl who one of my friends had dated. They were still friends and he introduced me to her. It was a small party and I was playing my guitar with some other guys. She had long blonde hair and VERY sort cut off jeans. She was busty, curvy and quite sexy. She even had my ex girlfriend first name. She seemed to be attracted to me and for the first time in months, I felt good again.
On our first date, I picked her up at her parents house in my Dad's big BIRD YELLOW CADILLAC !!!! My car's were always pieces of shit so I must have wanted her to be comfortable. Of course the back seat was quite big and comfortable too!!!! Maybe I had an alternative motive? I pulled up in her parents drive way and walked to the door like a gentleman. It was then that all thoughts of a big Cadillac back seat flew out the back seat window!!!! The first person to answer the door was her FATHER!!! I was standing face to face.......well more like my face to his bare chest!!!! He must have been 6' 5" with a long beard. I'm guessing this guy was a pro wrestler and I could be his lunch. I reached out and shook his large beefy hand and tried to pull off a firm handshake. He didn't ask me in but wanted to know where we we going and what time was I going to bring his daughter back? "Is that your car", he asked. "Ah, no. It's my Dad's. Mine is not running", I said. He looked at me like I was just another LOSER!!!!
I'm pretty sure we met some friends of mine at The Poison Apple, and had several beers and even danced a bit. It was a hot, fun night. Before I knew it, the night was growing old and I felt the need to get Cinderella back to her Dad's house before the Cady turned into a YELLOW PUMPKIN. We talked and laughed on our way home. She lived out in a subdivision surrounded by fields and corn. We drove the winding roads until we found her home with every possible out side light on!!!! I walked her to her porch and reluctantly kissed her...half expecting a shot gun to polk out of the closest window. With that, I walked back to my Dad's Yellow Cadillac and got in. As I began to back down her parent's long drive way, I noticed every outside light going dark. I made it, I thought. I'm still alive. Now, I was never very good at backing up in those days and so began my dilemma!
On the other side of street was a cornfield and before the cornfield, a very deep ditch. The YELLOW CADILLAC was a LONG car, much like a YELLOW SUBMARINE. I slowly began backing my Dad's BABY down the drive way and then much to my surprise RIGHT INTO THE DEEP DITCH across the road!!!!! I found my self in the Cadillac, back wheels deep in the ditch, headlights pointing straight up to the moon!!!! I felt like was was in a space craft about to be shot into space. This was not a good predicament to be in since now I was completely stuck and only getting worse. PLUS, I could not risk gunning the engine for fear of WAKING UP THE 6'5" wrestling father on the other side of the street in the house. SHIT!!! How do I get myself into these situations...I thought to myself.
Running out of options, I put my next plan into action. I happened to notice after all the outside lights had dimmed, one bedroom light at the front of the house had come on! I was praying that it was the bedroom of my date and not her Father!!! I left my stranded spacecraft, with lights pointing into the sky and walked across the road to the bedroom window. As I lightly knocked, my date appeared, already in her sexy jammies. Keep your mind on your mission soldier.... I thought to myself. She did look hot thought. Stop it!!!! She opened the window and smiled like this was the most romantic thing she had ever seen. Her Romeo was perched outside her window...willing to fight the 6' 5" dragon for his Juliet's hand. So romantic!!!! I crushed all thoughts of happy endings with my next question.
Do you have a rope or something??????
After seeing my stranded yellow missile in the cornfield at a 90 degree angle, headlights pointing to the sky, she quickly realized I was not at her window for a last kiss. She quietly, put her robe on and met me at the garage. I was so afraid of waking her father that my heart raced. After searching for a rope or something that we could use to pull the Cadillac out of the ditch, we settled on a long green GARDEN HOSE!!! How her father never woke up is a miracle but we took the garden hose and tied it to my Dad's front bumper and the other side to her Dad's pick up truck!!!! She hit the gas on the truck and I could feel the Cadillac beginning to move out of the field. This is going to work, I thought...then SNAP!!!!! The frickin' garden hose BROKE IN TWO!!!! Ah SHIT!!!! Now what.
Her Dad was still not outside so we quickly took BOTH garden hoses now, and tied BOTH of them to the bumper!!!! With that, I found myself out of the ditch and on all four wheels again. I quickly thanked her and left the scene of the crime. I'll never know what her father said of the incident or if she ever told him. But, I can only imagine his confusion to find his garden hose in two pieces. I guess somethings are better left unspoken. I went to sleep that night in the ORANGE ROOM knowing that I had narrowly escaped death again!!!
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