Mom, Chan Can Fly!

Before there were orange bedrooms and electric guitars, there were years of normalcy...if you can call our house normal. Along with my Mom and Dad, there were my two younger brothers, a cat named Chan and a dog named Oedipus Rex. Ed for short. It's interesting to note that no one really liked Ed. He was a smelly beagle that howled all the time and shit everywhere. Why we even had him, I'll never know, but one thing I do know is that his name fit perfectly.

As we all may remember from our ancient Greek history, Oedipus Rex was an Athenian tragedy by Sophocles that was first performed around 429 BC. Prior to the start of Oedipus Rex, Oedipus had become the king of Thebes while unwittingly fulfilling a prophecy where he would kill his father, Laius (the previous king), and marry his mother, Jocasta (whom Oedipus took as his queen after solving the riddle of the Sphinx ). In other words...Oedipus was a MOTHER FUCKER!!!!! something we heard my Dad call the dog almost daily!!!!

ED, YOU MOTHER FUCKER!!!!! GET THIS MOTHER FUCKING DOG OUTTA HERE!!!! So the name fit.

On one particular warm July morning, My Dad had just about enough of Oedipus and without much warning, he tricked Ed out the front door and into the family station wagon. Ed was in heaven!!!! He was out of the stuffy house and on an adventure in the car with his beloved master!!!! Unfortunately for Ed, It was a ONE WAY trip where there would be no return. I'm sure Ed's tongue was dripping and his tail wagging as my Dad took him far, far away.... out in the country... miles past Hanna City. Dad stopped the car when he figured it was far enough away from Bartonville, and then left Ed to fend for himself.... quite unaware that it had been a trap all along!!!!

Talk began to circulate up and down our block with the neighbor kids that something awful was being played out. Soon, every kid on Tiara Strip was aware that my Dad had taken Ed on the dreaded one way trip to nowhere!!!! "How could he". "Grown ups SUCK". Word was not good on the street and before long, every neighbor kid was lined up out side their home awaiting the DOG MURDERER!!!! As my Dad pulled the cherry red station wagon onto our street, he couldn't help but notice and angry faces on every kid on both sides of the street....hissing and in tandem, giving my father the THUMBS DOWN hand gesture as he passed each house!!!! The mood was grim even in our house. I mean, Ed was a mother fucker, but the long walk seemed a bit harsh.

No one said much the following day. It was eerie how quiet is seemed....and then following morning...we all witnessed a miracle. As my Dad opened the front door to leave for work... on the front porch, with steam coming off all four paws...was the Mother Fucking Dog!!!!! We all came to the door and there he was!!!! Ed had this look on his face that seemed to say....." I'm sure it was my fault.... but you left me before I could get back in the car!!!! I'm sorry...That will never happen again. Shit, I chased you for several miles before my legs gave out...but I made it home!!!!" After that day, we accepted the fact that Ed had proved himself worthy of being the family dog and we never called him a Mother Fucker again.

Now Chan was a very intelligent Siamese cat that was loved and had many talents!!! Chan could open any cabinet he wanted in the kitchen, he could enter and exit the house at night from behind the large window fan in my parents bedroom, he could ring the door bell on the front porch when on occasion, he needed a more civilized entrance into the living room....and....Chan COULD FLY!!!!!

Now my younger brother Jamey had nonchalantly mentioned this phenomenon to my Mother for months and each time my mom would reply, " cats can't fly....only Superman can fly honey." Each time, my brother would answer back, 'Oh yes he can." This went on for months until one morning, Jamey decided that it was time to prove that cats could indeed fly!!!! And with that, Jamey grabbed the big siamese cat in a bear hug and began walking across the kitchen floor. Now Chan was almost as big as my brother who was probably only about five, but with his grip secure, he took Chan to the top of the basement stairs and with a well practiced toss.....Chan began to fly!!!! In fact, it looked like Chan had flown MANY TIMES before!!! He somehow had an aerodynamic quality about him as he spread his front and rear legs to catch as much air draft as possible to bring his quickly desending fuselage to a safe four point landing!!! You could almost hear the rubber screetch as Chan made his landing on the basement runway. Safe and sound again...Thanks for flying CHANS WORLD AIRLINES.

We never questioned Jamey again. Just another( Cat's) Tale From The Orange Room.