Sharen was different. She entered my life totally unexpectedly as a referral from a current Prudential Insurance customer. They were sisters, and I was introduced to her at the Sky Harbor where my band, The Flying D'Rito Brothers where playing one night. She reminded me a little of her sister with friendly brown eyes and the cutest dimples. But, Sharen seemed fresh, and although the oldest sister, she appeared much younger in person. I'm not sure why but the first thing I said to her was, "Well, you're very attractive." It was totally out of character and unprofessional but she laughed and said, "Did you think I was going to be ugly?"
My marriage by this time was essentially over. We stayed together purely out of convenience and for the two little children. The love had been gone for a long time. I was sleeping upstairs on a mattress in my studio while she took the bedroom for herself. I remember my sister-in-law telling us how "cool" it was that we stayed together for the kids even though we didn't love each other anymore. It was so matter of fact, that everyone knew our arrangement. I, however, did NOT think it was "cool." It seemed odd to me. I continued to work to pay our joint bills on a straight commission insurance salary. It was stressful.
I knew my wife was seeing another man in Missouri, an old friend. It was pretty open and over time, I began having feelings for this new customer of mine. She would come out and watch us play every week and I could feel her looking into my soul as I sang the song, These Days by Jackson Brown. I used to wear my emotions on my sleeve with that song of sorrow and loneliness. She would look at me with these Yoko Ono eyes that seemed to say, "I want to help you." The weeks and months came and went with my wife driving to her hometown in Missouri more and more often. It was only a matter of time before my feelings came to the surface. One night, after our performance at The Harbor, Sharen and I were both waiting for the restroom when I bent down placed my forehead against hers, and said, "You know how I feel about you?" ' Don't You?" "Yes," she replied. That was that!!! It was out of the bag. At least for us.
It began gradually, but we began seeing each other in parked cars after I'd get done playing music and then later on, I'd meet her at her tiny house in Creve Couer. Sharen was the complete opposite of me in many ways. She was innocent, almost naive about some things. She didn't smoke, drink, or conduct herself in any outlandish manner. She was recently divorced from a 19-year marriage and had only been with one man in her life. She was a preschool teacher with a soft gentle voice. Totally different from all the other women that I had been with. It was refreshing. She dressed very conservatively but as I later found out, she was very sexy! She didn't flaunt it.
There were times when I kept the kids while my wife was out of town and one day I introduced them to Sharen. They called her Miss Sharen and that name stuck. Since she was a preschool teacher, she had a degree in Child Development which impressed me. Plus, she knew how to handle a two and four-year-old better than I DID!!! The kids really hit it off with her as we played on the swings in a park or met at McDonald's for lunch. One day, my wife asked where Dad took them and they innocently, reported that they had met Miss Sharen.
"Miss Sharen"? My wife asked. "Yes, that's right," I responded. We were done playing games and each knew we were both seeing other people. It just made it easier.
I contacted a divorce attorney in the Summer of 1994, I told my soon-to-be ex-wife to stay in our house and I'd move into my parent's basement for the next 6 months while she made plans to move back to Missouri. Things were very cordial while I continued paying the bills and bought groceries for her and the kids. She did not work. I think she thought that this arrangement was going to last until one day I presented the divorce papers for her to sign and told her that I was cutting off the money. I'd pay the settled child support payment but it was time for her to get a plan. I also explained that we were to share joint custody rights once she moved back to Missouri. It would be difficult but I was hoping it would work out.
One day not long after the papers were signed, I received the news out of the mouth of my four-year-old daughter. They were going to ARKANSAS to see PAUL. OK, I could see the writing on the wall. Paul was the support and she was not going to follow the divorce custody paperwork. My attorney suggested that I hold her in contempt and she would most likely spend time in jail. I decided that I didn't want my kid's mom in prison. They loved her as all kids love their mother. So, we drew up another arrangement which had Sharen and me getting the kids on holidays and summer. So for the next five years, that's how it worked. My ex remarried and he paid for airline tickets to fly them to and fro from Arkansas and Illinois. It was gut-wrenching to have to pass my babies to a flight attendant, a complete stranger, at the end of each visit. I hated what was happening with my kids but that's what we did.
On the bright side, Sharen and I married in December of 1995, and we had each other. Holidays and summer were packed as full as possible with outings with the kids, vacations, picnics, movies, waterparks, concerts, and plenty of Dad time rolling around on living room floors or playing in the backyard. I videotaped everything we did and at the end of the year, I'd make them a VHS tape of the highlights of what we did that particular year. Sharen and I would be the hosts and we would present the program we called DARA CHAT or DYLAN CHAT. One year, it was CHATTING WITH THE BIRDS. My thought was that they could watch these tapes when they were in Arkansas and always be reminded that we were only a phone call away. I didn't want them to forget us.
In 2000 or so, I convinced my ex to switch our custody roles and let us have the kids during the year and she could have them holidays and summer. She agreed and I'm glad because I feel we had a better handle on the parenting side of things. Over time, the kids went through grade school and eventually high school at Limestone where I went as a teenager. I helped my daughter pick a college and helped her with the Pell Grant. Dylan was excelling at wielding at ICC and things were looking up. We even adopted Sharen's nephew, Trey. More on that later.
It was the years between 1995 and 2000 that I consider some of the best years of my life. I had a brand new loving and supporting wife, a new job in banking, and several close friends. The summers were filled with fun times with the kids. It was during one of these summers that I had my first of several epiphanies. Even though I had done my fair share of substances over the years, there was no better euphoria than watching my children play in the green grass of the backyard after a long week of work. The grass would be freshly cut and charcoal would begin to burn as I'd open an ice-cold beer and sit in MY DRIVEWAY of MY HOUSE that I was paying for!!!! It's the AMERICAN DREAM and I lived it.
Sharen was a positive influence on me as well as my children. It was amazing to be married to a woman who was traveling down the same path. We had common goals and she supported me and my creativity. She was all in on building a recording studio in our basement which continues to be a sorce of inspiration even today. I call it Soulmate Studio in honor of her. I owe a lot to that women I lovingly call Sharoni.
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