Welcome to the cozy confines of the ORANGE ROOM dear readers. This is my first post of 2022 and the new year finds us in NORTH PORT FLORIDA for three months. Our band, The Flying D'Rito Brothers are three gigs into a 19 date tour of SW Florida and so far, people seem to be enjoying themselves. Our guitarist/mandolin player has come down for the first three gigs but unfortunately, his wife has been hospitalized and currently is still recovering. We wish her smooth healing love and prayers.
We love Florida but as I'm finding out, there are oddballs and cranky "Karen's" in every city and state. Yesterday was a perfect example. Our family drove to the beautiful city of Venice and we parked the car and made our way to the beach. I had recently made an appointment with an Ears, Nose and Throat Doctor in Venice so I decided to WALK the 1.2 miles to the office and pick up the administration paperwork and then return it next week at our appointment. I bid farewell to my wife, son, step daughter, her daughter and friend then proceeded to enjoy my walk through an upper class part of town filled with beautiful homes and scenery.
Everything was going great for the first mile and then......it hit me!!!! Every since my Radiation and Chemo Therapy last year, I have experienced some side effects that include having to go to the bathroom often. When I tell you that I have to GO......I have to GO!!!!!! and I mean NOW!!!!! I began clenching around the one mile mark and figured I'd be able to find sweet relief once I checked into the Doctors office. I could see the office was just across a fairly busy intersection and I waited patiently to cross the street. I was clenching more now and starting to sweat a little bit. The door was only a few feet now.....things would be ok once inside I was sure.
My hand reached the door handle and I gently opened the front door of the office and what I witnessed next was like something out of a science fiction movie. Seated against the far wall of a very small waiting room were at least three elderly people all wearing BLACK MASKS. I had not even stepped one foot inside when at least two of them sat up erect and pointed their arms at me and gasped from behind their masks......MAAAAAAASK!!!!!! PUT ON YOUR MAAAAAAAAASK!!!!!! MAAAAASK!!!! They sounded like somthing out of Invasion Of The Body Snatchers....as if I was some kind of ALIEN!!!! I tried to get the words out of my mouth, " I'm sure they have one inside". But they just pointed their fingers at me and shouted, "CLOSE THE DOOR", as if I was letting all the clean oxygen out of their room!!!! I quickly shut the door and now realized that I was probably going to shit my pants!!!!
I was beginning to panic as I walked aimlessly looking for a bathroom. I felt 5 years old all of a sudden and completely not in control of my destiny. After about another five minutes, I found a Wells Fargo bank across the street. I remembered in my days of working in a bank, that we would usually let walk in customers use the facilities but would Wells Fargo? Especially in these days of COVID? An attractive bank employee welcomed me to the bank and I asked as politely as I could, " may I use your bathroom"? To my delight, she said yes and soon I was locked in a stall. Now, I was finally safe again.... but angry. Those witches of the waiting room, The KAREN'S of KOVID, had almost made me experience the WALK OF SHAME back to the Beach!!!!
When I arrived back at the Doctors office, The Karens were gone and I explained what had happed to the receptionist, She said, "you should have came inside, we had masks." "I thought you would", I said. "But the "trilogy of terror" were not having me anywhere inside".
I picked up the paperwork and strolled back the 1.2 miles to the beach and my family in unsoiled Kakhi shorts. The sunshine felt good on my face and all was good again in the world.
Just another Tale From THe Orange Room.
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