If you happen to be reading this particular blog, The name of my page is TALES FROM THE ORANGE ROOM: When Days Were Psychedelic. It was, and is, a good starting point for many stories and memories from that period of time, when I lived at home with my parents... in my Psychedelic ORANGE bedroom. There will be other tales to come from those days, but quite frankly, it was such a short period of time that most stories are from later days...such as this one called, YOU CAN GO OUT THE WINDOW.
I married for the first time in 1986. I had met this woman over a year before playing in our band, The MOONBEAMS. Note to self: Be aware of marrying women you meet dancing to your band. LOL. We did have some fun years and had two children from that marriage, so that in itself is a good thing. I'll never forget my first visit to her parents home in Festus Missouri.
It was an older home, with kitchen, dining room, living room and bedroom more or less connected through archway entrances...no doors. To use the only bathroom, one needed to walk through the kitchen and PAST THE PARENTS BED in the bedroom. The light switch was on the OUTSIDE of the bathroom on the bedroom side, which meant the bathroom light would SHINE DIRECTLY on her parents FACES before the door ( and the bright light) would dim.
The rest of the house consisted of two rooms upstairs that were separated by one door. Back in the day, SIX children occupied those two rooms but they were empty now as all children had grown and left the nest. It was in the far bed room that my wife and I stayed that first night.
On that first night, we must have drank 100 beers. When It was time for bed, I climbed the THOUSAND STAIRS which went STRAIGHT up with hardly any angle at ALL. I climbed into the bed in the far room and FIVE minutes later realized I HAD TO PEE! I should say, I had to pee for the FIRST OF MANY TIMES!!!! Out of the high bed, through the door and past the four empty beds in the long joining room. I carefully descended down the ONE THOUSAND stairs which were almost completely straight!!! It was almost like walking down a LADDER!!! Opened the door that met the kitchen. I slowly, entered her parents BEDROOM and quietly turned on the bathroom light switch which FLOODED HOT WHITE LIGHT across both their faces!!!! Shit, I thought!!! Quickly closing the door, I released a stream that sounded like a FIREHOUSE had been turned on a burning building. It was loud and it was long. Finally, the churning waters subsided and I tried to wash my hands. ANOTHER GROINING sound appeared and water raced out and finally all was quiet!!!.
Now, I had to retrace my steps in this unfamiliar home layout. I opened the bathroom door, spilled white light all over the parents faces, shut the light out, walked through their bed room, tripping over some slipper on the floor, skidded through the kitchen, opened the door leading up the ladder of A THOUSAND STAIRS, through the empty four bed room, opened the next room door and finally, got back into the warm bed. I told my wife.... that was a fucking ordeal!!!! it couldn't have been more than 20 minutes later....I had to PEE AGAIN!!! WTF???
For the SECOND time, I descended the thousand stair ladder and went though the whole process again!!!! Once back in bed, I thought surely that would be the last
of the night...It was not. After about the fourth time....I asked my wife if I could just pee out the window. Sure, her brothers did it all the time!!!! "You can go out the window"!!! Now she tells me!!!!
Carefully, I opened the upstairs window and began my latest flow of beer!!! Things were going smoothly until I felt what I thought was a burning sensation on my right hand. I didn't think much of it until I realized that I WAS BEING STUNG BY A DORMANT FUCKING BEE!!!!
I pulled my hand back, releasing the firehose which emptied itself in a figure eight flow all over the wall, curtains and floor!!!! It was the last time I tried that trick. From now on, it was accepted that no night was complete with out several trips down the thousand stair ladder and through the parents bedroom. I missed the ORANGE ROOM!!!
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